i have a man crush on arnold but i dont no what i would do if i ever had the chance to meet him what would you guys do if the terminator every came and shook your hand P.S. not MOJO

December 6, 2010 § Leave a comment

Z: I see. Kids, take this as a lesson – say no to amphetamines.

I don’t know if Laura is busy again today, but I know what she would say. Fear boners. You and Arnold would get them. Except yours would be more boner, and his would be more fear.

Once you two make that sly, mutual boner eye contact, it’s time to get down to business. Former actors, as you surely know, love it when fans repeat their quotes and decades old movie lines to them. It gives them a warm, fuzzy feeling inside, reminding them that they were once relevant. First, I would criticize his weak handshake and call him a girly man. Then I might use some of these ice breakers to get the convo ball rolling.

  • Ice to meet you. OR Allow me to break the ice. My name is Freeze. Learn it well. For it’s the chilling sound of your doom. (Who doesn’t remember him as Mr. Freeze in Batman & Robin, perhaps the pinnacle of his illustrious acting career?)
  • WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU??
  • Who is your daddy, and what does he do?
  • If I am not me, then who the hell am I?

After he’s engaged you in light conversation, or whatever Arnold does to strangers (perhaps caress your face while he sensuously kisses you?), you’ll need to escape. I know, security is such weaksauce. Depending on your means of transportation, you could throw either of the following lines back in his face.

  • GET TO DA CHOPPA!
  • It’s turbo time!

Finally, to really put the fear of Maria Shriver in him, give him one last quote as a parting gift.

  • I’ll be back.
  • Hasta la vista, baby.
  • It’s NOT a tumah (He might find this comforting. He’s at the age now where he’s probably worried about that kind of thing)

In conclusion, that is what I would do if I ever met Arnold Schwarzenegger.

The end.

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