Lately I’ve had a very strong urge to get pregnant and have a baby but logically I know this would be a bad time for me to raise a child. Should I suppress this urge or act on it? And if I should suppress it then how would I go about doing that?

October 29, 2010 § Leave a comment

Z: Perhaps I’m too young and male to provide sound advice, but I just don’t think it’s ever a good time to have a baby. Babies are living, breathing garbage disposals full of poop and breast milk who devour your money and dreams (if you the reader have a child, pretend you didn’t read that. I’m sure your child is great.) Much like pyramid schemes, they will inevitably leave you emotionally and financially destitute. Why I wasn’t aborted, I’ll never know. Big ups though, mom and dad.

If you need help suppressing your (in my opinion) irrational desire to procreate and experience the joys of raising a child, make a list of your future plans and the things you like to do. Then laugh/cry bitterly, cross everything out, and write new and improved baby plans.

1. Travel extensively throughout the world
2. Vacation in exotic places
3. Go on fun dates and have a vibrant social life

1. Take the family to Grandma’s house
2. Take the family to Grandma’s house
3. Take the family to Grandma’s house

Do you see a pattern?

Maybe I’m just too self-centered and shallow (I am).  Have a baby if you want to. I don’t recommend it, but who am I to tell you otherwise? Here, I’ll even help you think of a name. How about Ponzi?

L: In the words of my gynecologist, “Babies are not the answer, but Xanax sure as hell is.”

Submit questions anonymously here.

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