I just found out my dad has been in chat rooms, chatting with young girls. what do I do?
October 28, 2010 § Leave a comment
Z: Your dad sounds a lot like Justin Bieber. Both prey on young girls’ naivete, while they narrowly avoid setting foot on the wrong side of puberty. It’s just a matter of time before your dad acts on his urges and J Bieb’s testicles drop, pushing them over the edge and into a hell of pedophilia and off-key singing, respectively. Unlike Bieber, your dad still has time to correct his wayward tendencies. Would-be child molesters are a fickle bunch though, often only listening to their carnal lust and Radio Disney. You’ll have to scare him straight without earning him any jail time (unless you want to, which is another question for another day). This is a two-step program.
1. Make a screen name like GrlPwr69, ihrtkittens1, or DADDYSLILWHORE. Prowl chat rooms. Your dad will find you.
2. This one’s actually up to you, like one of those make-your-own-ending Goosebumps books (but in this ending, the only monster threatening to eat your insides is shame). You can A. IM him,”Hi, I’m Chris Hansen from Dateline NBC.” or B. Get him to send you some nudie pics (isn’t this what Dateline is always warning us about?), to which you reply, “Daddy??” and run crying into his office.
Simple and sweet. Like the caress he just promised you online.
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