What is the proper etiquette for making sexual advances on a transvestite?

October 19, 2010 § Leave a comment

Z: This one’s easy. You just use the same methods you would for anyone else. So use this classic introduction.

1. Say your first name, age, sex, and race/ethnicity. eHarmony says they don’t discriminate, but real people do. Present yourself up front.
2. Explain to them from where you first saw them, and announce your intentions. This puts people at ease.
3. Tell the person what your favorite hobby is and where you like to do it. This lets people know you’re cut from the same fabric as them. Be sure to invite them to accompany you next time. Perfect icebreaker for a date.

I’ll offer my introduction as an example of exactly what potential love interests are looking for. To set the mood, I am approaching a femme fatale in Lamaze class:

“My name is Zach. I am a 22 year old white male. I hang out here often, and I have not seen you before so I figured it was still legally safe to approach you. I would very much like to make sex with you. My favorite hobby is reading erotic literature at used bookstores until I get kicked out for never making a purchase. Would you like to come read erotic literature with me tomorrow? I know several excellent used bookstores in the area with superb offerings, and I am still allowed in one of them.” Boom, in like Flynn.

Just remember that this person being a transvestite doesn’t make YOU any less weird or ugly. Pepper spray hurts no matter who’s wielding it.

L: all the transvestites I know are open for business. Don’t be shy. Just tell them you are new to the area, 15-16 years old, catholic or baptist, and that you felt the need to get out of your home town and experience the world because you felt too sheltered. They will be super excited about it, to the point where they will call over all their friend and show you off like a new pair of shoes. Then he/she will convince you to go dancing. Make sure you mention Cher as a main influence in your life. He/she will eat that shit up. I eat that shit up.  Then after a few too may bay breezes, mention that you are a virgin. Game, Set, Match.

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